|
JOKES!
Feb 18, 2007 18:26:24 GMT -5
Post by Rob G on Feb 18, 2007 18:26:24 GMT -5
Yeaaaahhhhh Booooooyyyyyyyyyy,
That was funny. Thanx Ken, Thanx ring.
|
|
|
JOKES!
Mar 12, 2007 17:23:32 GMT -5
Post by Ken on Mar 12, 2007 17:23:32 GMT -5
WEATHER REPORT:
Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names. . She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture, such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in language that street people can understand because one of the problems in New Orleans is that regular folks couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation due to the racially biased language of the weather report.
I can hear it now: A Houston weatherman says: "Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket! Bitch be a category fo'! So grab yo' chirren, yo' Ho, be leavin yo' crib, and head fo' da nearest guv'ment office fo yo' FREE shit!
|
|
ring87
General Greivous
3rd density endgame.
Posts: 329
|
JOKES!
Mar 14, 2007 20:35:09 GMT -5
Post by ring87 on Mar 14, 2007 20:35:09 GMT -5
Don't forget to vote for Big Cock Obama. He is running on a all you can eat throat yogurt platform. ;D
|
|
ring87
General Greivous
3rd density endgame.
Posts: 329
|
JOKES!
Mar 19, 2007 23:21:27 GMT -5
Post by ring87 on Mar 19, 2007 23:21:27 GMT -5
|
|
|
JOKES!
Mar 20, 2007 7:10:20 GMT -5
Post by Rob G on Mar 20, 2007 7:10:20 GMT -5
|
|
|
JOKES!
Oct 15, 2007 5:47:43 GMT -5
Post by Rob G on Oct 15, 2007 5:47:43 GMT -5
MAn that last one was really funny. Xbones, how come all your jokes make fun of democrats. Me think you have been hanging arround the wrong websites.
|
|
|
JOKES!
Oct 20, 2007 0:08:24 GMT -5
Post by Rob G on Oct 20, 2007 0:08:24 GMT -5
Yo Momma's a democrat
|
|
|
JOKES!
Oct 23, 2007 5:24:57 GMT -5
Post by Rob G on Oct 23, 2007 5:24:57 GMT -5
MWhahahahaha.
This is the best. You own this thread Xbones.
|
|
|
JOKES!
Oct 31, 2007 17:20:08 GMT -5
Post by Ken on Oct 31, 2007 17:20:08 GMT -5
I love this one!
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!'
Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an Intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, and owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious Couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were Living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was Then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a Son with a rather nervous disposition who was nick-named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, Were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse. Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can Correct them. Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt
|
|
|
JOKES!
Nov 2, 2007 15:44:58 GMT -5
Post by bones on Nov 2, 2007 15:44:58 GMT -5
"Moses and the Prez"
Recently, while going through an airport during one of his trips, President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair and beard, wearing a white robe and sandals and holding a staff.
President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you that you look like Moses?"
The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
The President said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the President.
The President pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing to the robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like Moses to you."
The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.
"Well," said the President, "every time I say his name, he ignores me and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak - watch!"
Again the President yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.
The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe and whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered back, "Shhhh! Yes, I am Moses, but the last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years wandering in the desert and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire Middle East with no oil!
|
|
|
JOKES!
Nov 25, 2007 23:24:32 GMT -5
Post by Bones on Nov 25, 2007 23:24:32 GMT -5
I think we all had a friend like Brooklyn Vinny.
Teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on Brooklyn Vinny.
He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.'
The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.'
Then Brooklyn Vinny says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?'
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.'
To which Brooklyn Vinny replied, 'The correct answer is ' the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
Brooklyn Vinny ON MATH
Brooklyn Vinny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
'Why?' asks the father.
The teacher asked ' How much is 2 x 3,' I said '6,'' replies Vinny.
'But that's right!' says his dad.
'Yeah, but then she asked me ' How much is 3 x 2?''
'What's the fucking difference ?' asks the father.
'That's what I said!'
Brooklyn Vinny ON ENGLISH
Brooklyn Vinny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'
Vinny says 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, Brooklyn Vinny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Vinny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.'
Brooklyn Vinny ON GRAMMAR
Brooklyn Vinny was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!'
The teacher replied, 'Now, Vinny , that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is urinate. Please use the word urinate in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'
Brooklyn Vinny , thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'
Brooklyn Vinny ON GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!'
Then the teacher reluctantly called on Brooklyn Vinny .
'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!' '
Brooklyn Vin ny ON GETTING OLDER
Brooklyn Vinny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.'
Brooklyn Vinny replied, 'You know, my grandfather lived to be 107 years old.'
The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?'
Brooklyn Vinny answered, 'No, he minded his own fucking business."
|
|
|
JOKES!
Dec 5, 2007 20:53:01 GMT -5
Post by Ken on Dec 5, 2007 20:53:01 GMT -5
The Female Genie
While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on the sand & picked it up.
Suddenly, a female Genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said, 'Master, may I grant you one wish?'
Osama responded, 'You ignorant, unworthy Daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't need any common woman giving me anything.'
The shocked Genie said, 'Please, Master, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.'
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said; 'Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning. So just do it and be off with you.'
The annoyed Genie said, 'So be it!' and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding and Hillary Clinton at his side. His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no health insurance.
|
|
ring87
General Greivous
3rd density endgame.
Posts: 329
|
JOKES!
Dec 8, 2007 0:46:55 GMT -5
Post by ring87 on Dec 8, 2007 0:46:55 GMT -5
|
|
|
JOKES!
Jan 5, 2008 13:21:54 GMT -5
Post by bones on Jan 5, 2008 13:21:54 GMT -5
Wish you all a Happy, Healthy and Safe 2008
Ten thoughts to Ponder for 2008: Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 8 Man has two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, cook him dinner. Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and he won't bother you for weeks. Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help smiling when you shove them down the stairs. Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? Number 2: In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2008 We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in Canada but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.
|
|
|
JOKES!
Jan 21, 2008 11:43:03 GMT -5
Post by Ken on Jan 21, 2008 11:43:03 GMT -5
|
|